Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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