Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
