BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
