WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
