Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
