Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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