bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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