this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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