New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
