is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
