You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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