Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
