um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
