i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
