What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
