3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
