I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
