Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
