Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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