we have officially mastered the walk of shame
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
