Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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