everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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