So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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