I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
