its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
