I need help removing her.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize