drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
