Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
