Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
