I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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