it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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