Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
