We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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