Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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