I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
