I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
