then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
