I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's the barista slut.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
