hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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