What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
