Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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