Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
