Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Vodka?
Forever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The ass gains better be worth it
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