have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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