But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
