my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
pray to the hookup gods
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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