I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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