Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
