Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
