can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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