Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
