Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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