ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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