you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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