Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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