Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
