speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
