his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
