Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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