Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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