You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
