I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
