After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
